Chapter 3- Tell me what you think…?

~Invisible

 Jesslyn awoke with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. She dropped Jestin off at his aunt’s and returned home to begin breakfast for Brenden who had yet to arrive home. She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t heard from him but she wouldn’t waste anytime preparing for his arrival home. With wicked thoughts she decided to call and get an estimate of time for his arrival but he didn’t answer the phone. She didn’t worry, Jesslyn went to take a hot shower and prepare herself to give him all the love she had inside.

Jesslyn got out of her shower and began to lotion her body in her favorite fragrance lotion. Oddly enough she didn’t hear Brenden but she felt eyes on her back. She turned but saw no one, she called out for Brenden but received no response. She quickly finished oiling her body and slipped into t-shirt dress that she often wore around the house. After shaking the feeling she called for Brenden again but got no answer on his cell.

Jesslyn casually strolled into the kitchen when her phone. She quickly grabbed the phone hoping to hear Brenden on the other end. She answered with a swift ” Hello” only to hear static on the other end of the line. She hung up the phone only for it to ring again. This time she looked at the caller I.d. It wasn’t Brenden but an unknown phone number. She thought of the mysterious texter but she saved that phone number under the name weird. She answered thinking of the fact that Jestin was away from home and Brenden had yet to arrive home. She answer ” Hello!”, she again heard static and an unfamiliar voice saying ” My Love, I am here and I am coming for you”.

Jesslyn almost lost her sight as fear rushed into her bones. She looked around and saw no one but from her bedroom she heard glass shatter. She quickly turned but became horrified and shell shocked, her feet wouldn’t move. She saw a shadow, a figure, coming down the hallway. She didn’t think to fight or defend herself, her mind only screamed at her to run. Her body moved to the notion and she sprinted full speed through the back door of the kitchen- outside and down the drive way when she bumped into a solid figure. She felt hands grab her firmly to keep her from falling- Jesslyn screamed.

She could only hear her heart beat and blood rushing through her ears, her vision blurred with tears when she saw the form clearly. It was Brenden, he was startled and stared into the distance beyond her. Once his appraising look returned to her he wanted to know if she was okay ? Jesslyn sobbed until her body shook and from sheer panic and fear she blacked out.

~Brenden

After leaving his meeting later than normal he wondered what would Jesslyn say. He was so close to telling her the truth about the life that they live and what it is that he really does and where he spends every night in pure pleasure. This pleasure that was like a drug, this pleasure that had driven a wedge in-between his love for her. He wanted to let her know gently the truth about who he was and what he wanted. He wanted to tell her the truth about who she was and what this all meant for her.

She was the mother of his child and his friend but she was not his heart, she served a different purpose. She was a cover up to the monster and liar that he truly was.  He had tipped around the subject since she freaked out about a mysterious text. He had his ideas about where the text came from and what it meant for her and for him. Brenden wanted to support her emotional state without doing to much damage to her psyche. He would tell her the truth tonight.

Before he knew it he was pulling into the drive way. He had thought his way home through red lights and stop signs, he was driving blindly. He pulled into the drive to see their home beautiful but still. He got out of his car and went to the mailbox. As he walked up the drive he sees Jesslyn dart out of the kitchen door, a shadow moving swift behind her- but came to a halt upon seeing him. She rammed into him, blinded with fear. He grabbed his wife and held her tight so that she wouldn’t fall. She screamed and scrambled to get away. He held her and called her name to calm her and reassure her he was not harming her. She looked into his face as if she had seen a ghost. He looked ahead at the figure in the shadows who turned and retreated to the house.

She sobbed until she blacked out -he carried her into their home resting her body on the bed. He made sure she was unharmed, but without moving his face from her he spoke saying- why are you still here- you are coming on to strong, you have horrified her and how do you expect her to accept you this way if you act like a crazed killer? A voice returned saying ” Our arrangement is final and cannot be broken, I am not the one she should fear- you know that better than anyone don’t you copper”?  Brenden replied ” don’t use my name in that fashion here- are you going to harm her”? He received no response, he turned to find no one there. His eyes blazed with fire that could not be sated, yet the truth has to be revealed and write away…

And Then… There Was Light

This is intended to make one think. The thoughts of who we were and are ride deep in our blood, in our thoughts. Shadows of a life lived, unforgotten, yet historically not marked at present but in the present I live with the marks of what was. A very deep hearted thought and experience.

What's Done In the Black

If you allow me to tell you this story, if you are ready, you have to sit with me. You cannot wander off as if you have lost interest. If I release myself, you have to stay. If you stay I will tell you everything. And then you will see that I am not crazy, and we are alike in ways can even imagine. So stay.

I can remember before I was born, before the womb, before the light and warmth, before the tangible pains. I can remember my life in ancient Asia. If I could be more particular, I would say a crop field in Japan. I was a monk. I was male, and I was sewing the field. There were others far off, minding other parts, but we all were tilling the soil, losing it up for planting. This was before the Worlds had come together, before the…

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Chapter 2- Tell me what you think?

~Love is in the air.

Today Jesslyn awoke and she actually felt great. It had been four days since that mysterious text and she had finally gained her sleep rhythm back.She no longer felt watched or crazy so she needed to celebrate with a free day. Her husband Darren had been concerned about her behavior, but she didn’t want to alarm him; he already had a stressful job. She had decided that Saturday had come and gone she would take her son Jestin to the park for some fun. At five years old he had lots of energy and she would help him disperse it in the most fun way possible today. She hopped out of bed and into a warm shower. She then prepared breakfast for her family and gave Darren a warm  appreciative kiss before leaving home for some early morning shopping while he was home before work. She went to her favorite store Catherine’s.

She wanted to find something nice and alluring. She had spoken with Brenden during their brief time together that morning and she had managed to convince him that a dinner date would be good for them. He was gone for long periods of time working overnight.Many times she would see him briefly during the day and he would be gone at night for three to four weeks at a time. This was stressful but they agreed together for him to take the job for more revenue and this also allowed her to be a stay at home mom and work on her book and upcoming business focuses pertaining to her book. This would be his first off day in three weeks. He seemed as if he was becoming distant and unattached. He seemed different in many ways that she couldn’t put her finger on. She knew his job detail would be a big responsibility and she wanted to be sure to support him. It was important to Jesslyn to keep them connected during this adjustment period in their lives. She would plan the most perfect dinner date.  They would celebrate simply loving one another at their favorite restaurant- Alexander’s. They would then return home for her favorite part- desert. With wicked thoughts in her head she blushed and continued dress shopping.

Jesslyn wanted to find a dress that was flattering and an eye opener. She though about color selection considering it was late spring heading into summer she didn’t want to bold of a color. She always struggled with finding clothes to fit her properly. Her style was unique and unlike most that she had often seen- this was part of what drew Darren’s attention to her. She wanted to look perfect but she always had to consider all components of what would go well with her as a whole. Darren always joked that once they were millionaires she could have her own personal seamstress with fabrics and colors to fit her every dream. She had to admit that she did look forward to having someone who could help style her. With her skin the shade of honey she wanted a color that would look flattering. She was petite yet curvaceous.  She was a mere 5’2 1/2 inches tall wearing a size 8 petite, wider in the hips than most her size with a head full of soft luscious curly hair that was naturally the color of chocolate. She added blond highlights to give her hair dimension when she wore it in its natural curl pattern. Jesslyn had eyes a unique shade of brown and green with golden specs. Darren liked taller women who could match his 6 feet 1 inches but he loved her look and always said that she complemented the warmth in him and no matter the size or height of her- he loved her for her originality ,and beauty, but most of all her heart.

Darren was tall and creamy. His skin was the shade of vanilla ice cream. His eyes a beautiful smokey chocolate color that could warm areas one didn’t know existed. He was muscular and strong and had often picked her up as if she weighed nothing. He literally was an Adonis. She remembers when he with all of his strength would hold her so tenderly and never hurt her. After 5 years of marriage it is easy to become comfortable and routined. There had always been so much excitement between them up until he got this new contract for his job as private detail security. This past year had been one to reckon with him never being home over night except for the 1 night within three weeks and even then he was so tired it seemed that she could barely get him to hold her, the love making was quick and seemed to be more a burden than a pleasure for him. She wouldn’t give up and they would start fresh after this date.

With the thought of loving her husband and her own honey colored skin she walked upon a cream colored cocktail dress that she had to try on. The dress was gorgeous and felt amazing on her body. She thought it might be to much with a sheer open back and material that fitted every curve on her body. the dress had an asymmetrical sleeve leaving one shoulder exposed and a sleeve on the other and beautiful crystals lining the neck and shoulder. The dress had class and sass in which she found she had been missing since she became a stay at home mom in their new suburban home. She was thrilled about their life there but she didn’t want to miss the the love and fire that they had as a unit. This dinner and date night would give them perspective and nothing is to much for the love of her life.

While she was out she decided to buy some perfume and also some new lipstick. She was feeling especially optimistic about this date considering her husband would be home after three long weeks working overnight every night.She went to the salon and got a fresh wash and a new bob cut that could be in any magazine. She would pull out all the stops. Jesslyn went to the nail shop and got her hands and feet attended to. She wanted to feel Darren’s hands on every inch of her and she wanted her skin to feel like silk. She would soak in the bubble back and oil up before bed. She immediately found her favorite shoes- a gold glittered peep toe shoe that hugged her ankle with a golden heart shaped buckle. She would send Jestin away to his aunts and they would warm up to one another in a very special way. Nothing could or would ruin this occasion-in her mind there didn’t have to be anything special going on for this. Darren was her best-friend, her husband, her son’s father and all that she could have ever imagined wrapped up in his spectacular form and set aside for her forever. The way she felt about her husband was always like the perfect first date. Yet, somehow she could see that in his eyes there was something different when he looked at her. Almost like a stranger, she couldn’t understand it, but she knew that he loved her and she loved him. She had summed it up to be that he was tired from working so much. Whatever was going on with him she would love it through. Jesslyn wanted the evening to be perfect and she wouldn’t accept anything less.

 

 

Chapter 1…Tell me what you think

In this season in my life I have considered writing a book. Below is a snippet of what I am considering for chapter one. Please let me know your thoughts.

~Revelation

Waking from a midnight dream Jesslyn couldn’t figure out why the dream seemed so real. She walked to the kitchen to get a drink of water and stopped in her tracks as she felt watched and as if she wasn’t alone. She tried to shake this feeling but it was difficult. She knew her son was sleeping and her husband had not long left home to get to work. Working overnight was not her most favorite idea for him-even after a year of doing this, but she understood his line of work and that this is something that she has to learn and adjust to, however, she just could not shake the feeling that she was not alone.

She swiftly walked and checked on her son who was resting and she then headed back to her bedroom where her phone was chiming. She assumed it was her husband and happily looked at the message to see an unknown phone number. The message stated ” you look beautiful.” still thinking it was her husband on his work phone she gave a curt thank you for her message and playfully asked ” who is this?” The message returned quickly
” allow me to take you to lunch.” at this time Jesslyn is looking at the message and wondering what her husband is up to, he had never given her his work phone number, but only he could be contacting her at this hour and so playfully. she giggled and messaged back ” That is a nice gesture, but first tell me who you are.” A message returned quickly,  ” you know me.” As Jesslyn began to message back her husband texted her ” I have made it to work, rest well and I love you.”

Jesslyn’s heart began to race. How could he have just messaged her? She contacted him on the phone and asked him if he was messaging her and he said no, she asked about his work phone and he said he has it but hadn’t used it. He asked her if everything was okay? and she confirmed yes. She asked him for his work phone number, he told her he would call so that she could lock in the phone number. Once he did call from the work phone and she answered confirming it was him she locked in that phone number and realized that it was not the same number that was texting her. Jesslyn summed it up to a case of the wrong phone number. Just as a courtesy she messaged back to the unknown sender and said, ” I apologize, I thought you were my husband messaging me, I think you have the wrong phone number. I should have known when you didn’t mention my name. Again, I apologize and have a good night.” A quick response returns to the phone ” I want to take you to lunch Jesslyn, anywhere you want to go and for anything that you want.”

Jesslyn  was appalled by the use of her name. She asked ” who is this?” and she received a response, ” you know me.” she quickly replied “well then tell me who you are, you know me but I don’t know you. I am married and sure that my husband would not appreciate me on a lunch date with a stranger.” with one quick response the stranger messaged back, ” I love your satin pajamas… I hope you will meet me Saturday, anywhere you want to go, I promise I wont bite.” At this point Jesslyn is alarmed and jumps out of her bed looking around in circles and down at the satin pajamas she was currently wearing. She switches on the light and darts through the house to check the windows and the doors. Everything is sealed and locked except for one bay window in her living room. How could she have missed it? Was someone in her home? she checked her son’s room and he was sleeping peacefully.

What was happening, Jesslyn was terrified. Who was watching and where were they? She locked down her home and grabbed her taser that looked like a cell phone and rested it near the bed when her phone chimed. She looked down to see a message that said ” you wont need that, I wont hurt you. I just want to love you forever!” Jesslyn’s mind went blank and she froze in her bed where she sat as she heard her closet door creek open. She couldn’t scream and she couldn’t run. Everything went blank as she awaited her surprise visitor to come out. When the visitor came out it was only Jax their puppy who had bumped the door when he got out of his doggy bed. She checked the closet to find no one there. She climbed in her bed to a sleepless night. Her phone did not chime again but she could not release the thoughts from her mind. She wouldn’t feel safe until her husband was home and he was still seven hours from his shift ending. How would she ever sleep?

Decide 

Over the past few weeks I have realized that I have some hard decisions to make. This pertains to my family, friends, finance, and everything in-between. I believe that we all have to take time to look at our lives and develope perspective. What makes us happy, what comes first in each circumstance, where are we going and what is the plan to get there?

What do you need to make a decision about? I find that if we truly want peace and happiness then we will choose that route; so a decision has to be made. Today everything is compulsory and each compulsion creates a ripple of consequence, circumstance, and some form of joy, but you decided something and that something was to have the very thing that you desire. 

Decide today what will make your tomorrow better. Decide what can be moved, removed, and saved. Decide for you that you are worth the time and effort. Decide!

Addictions…

I have realized over the past few months that I have addictions. These are not drug related addictions but addictions none the less. What is that thing that you think about daily, you desire to fulfil your lust for it but find that sometimes you cannot and it drives you up the wall. You expend an immeasurable amount of time attempting to gain resources for this thing only to realize that even in succeeding your need, there will always be a need for more. 

Have you ever been addicted to yourself or items for yourself or even for someone so dear to you that it craves you to take care of them or be there or support. Addictions are strong and we have to ensure we don’t idolize them. God is never pleased with idolatry no matter who or what God is to you that principal remains the same. 

I am addicted to several things, for example…lipstick and eye-shadow, but in another facet of me there is an addiction to secret things that I fear judgement of. By that I mean bedroom things and pillow talks of strong capacity. Ladies I think you follow me on that. Whether you are male or female is not the issue but the issue is our addictions.

I feel like I can’t breathe if certain things are not gathered, attended to, or even acknowledged in a days time. Yes, I am saying a habit can become an addiction. Is love your addiction…it may be mine;)…is shopping your addiction, what about working out? Some addictions are positive but what about those negatives for example a desire to go to the strip club each week, or excessive drinking, or pain- testing your tolerance. 

Addictions can be dangerous. Think about what you are addicted to. Determine if it is worth the means to obtain, the stress of needing, and how does it affect those around you? Tell me your thoughts. Let’s be candid. I believe in you and in me.😘

Feelings…right or wrong.

Each day I get up and just like you, I feel good, bad, and/or in-between. Is this wrong. As a 28year old wife, mother, sister, friend, and all things in-between…life and the day to day cares can look bleak. With everything that is circulating on social media, the news, and day to day activities; our feelings can become disheveled. 

Do we see clearly and are our feelings right or wrong. No matter the social classes our feelings depict and determine how our days progress. Being a creature of emotion means operating within such confines and that itself could taper off or on certain feelings. Today I feel hopeful, but uncertain. Why would I feel this way? The answer to that is circumstances.

What circumstances inhibit your feelings and what are you harboring due to your feelings? I look back on a time when I had no where to live and I see how my feelings changed. You might think I didn’t feel so good. Actually I felt awesome, I had great friends and familiar support. Today I have a home, a husband, a child, and our needs are met. How do I feel? Incomplete. 

Some may say why does she feel this way when she has all or some of what others dream of having? Well, this brings me to my point. Perceptions and circumstances are very different even though they cross paths. You don’t know the entire details of my life, but does that make my feelings right or wrong? 

I encourage you to see your life as a box. Instead of 4 walls think of 8. I n your mind or on paper label 4 walls with circumstances and 4 walls with perceptions that you know people have towards those circumstances. Then think about your feelings and see if they match. 

We feel the way we feel because we are tied to everything In our circles, but does that make us right or wrong. I have been told not to operate according to how I feel and then I have been told that how I feel will change the course of the circumstance and well pretty much will lead me to victory on gut instinct.

Embrace your feelings, embrace each circumstance and judge what feeling(s) is necessary to complete the task. You are not wrong for feeling and you are not wrong for knowing what you feel. Feel everything and have compassion. Noone can have or take your feelings they can only modify them. 

Don’t give up the feel embrace it…it can teach you.